Tuesday, October 2, 2018, 11:34 pm
I woke up on Friday morning, September 28th and continued my study in Isaiah. Chapter 60, verses 1 – 3 just seemed to jump out at me. In fact, they not only jumped out at me but grabbed ahold, as well; because, they were a direct confirmation of what the LORD and I had been discussing a few days before. I remember, at that time, I was kind of reminding Him, yes, I do that from time to time, when I am feeling slightly up against it, that being up front is something I do, because of the nature of most of the gifts that He had so graciously given me (singing, oratory, teaching, etc.), but the “spotlight” is not exactly what I crave.
Admittedly, I have had to face some “home truths” about myself, over the years. One is, I not the best follower; but, I will follow you, as you follow Christ. However, if I sense in my spirit that you are veering off of that course, a check will hit my spirit, and I will cease to follow. I will pray for you, as God leads, but I will most definitely cease to follow. Will you know that that has happened? More than likely not, because a survival skill I learned many, many years ago, was how to mask my true feeling to avoid conflict. I learned that asking certain types of questions in my household, or letting your displeasure show on your face in a time of uncertainty, would rock the boat. I, in turn, learned to prefer smooth waters, as long as humanly possible. To that end, I became very adept, over time, with the life I have led, in hiding my true feelings, in certain situations. In fact, I have to catch myself, every now and then, to keep from doing that when that auto pilot light comes on. I am sure some of you can relate to what I am saying. That happened, years ago, after a particularly messy breakup with a boyfriend, who was also a co-worker. I know, I know, “don’t dip your pen in the company ink”. But, you know as well as I do, sometimes that company ink can seem pretty appealing, right up until it doesn’t. Now, you are in a cold war situation, with the office staff chiming in to either detonate the flames or fan them. I remember when that first emotional blow came it was a soul crushing blow. I was on my knees, just tore up. You know how we can get. As I prayed, I felt myself sinking inside myself, where that well of false peace resided. You notice I said, “false peace”. It is false because it comes from the flesh, and what comes from the flesh, is temporary, not eternal. If you are looking for eternal peace that can only come from the LORD! Well, there I was reaching for my old security blanket, as the LORD calmly told me that that was not living, not really. For you see, real life carries with it not only joy, but pain and all those things in between. If I wanted to really live this life, I would need to leave myself open to pain, and He would be there with me, every step of the way, to get me to the other side – the joy side. I chose that day in 1992, to let the pain come. I chose that day to let Jesus be LORD, even over my emotions. I chose life!
Now, back to the verses, when I was reminding the LORD about my preferred position, while doing ministry in His name, He told me that I would no longer be behind the scenes. Now, that I think about it, I was on the backside of the mountain for many years (the reasons for that will have to wait for another blog entry), but He has been drawing me out, more and more, over the years. He has removed me from my comfort zones and told me to walk in the newness of life, with Him. During that walking, I see I was out front quite a bit, without really thinking about it. LORD, You are awesome. You, most certainly, will not put more on us than we can bear. I thank You for that, and so many other things.
So here I am, writing my second ever blog, during this appointed time that He has predestined for me to let my light shine, from a candlestick, not from under a bed. He reminded me, as He is so apt to do, when I have a Gideon moment that I am His light and I will not be hidden under a bushel. So, when all is said and done, this little light is going to shine, shine, shine. I pray you come along with me, as your lights shine, fellow daughters, as well, in the midst of a dead and dying world. Jesus came to seek and save that which was lost. Thank You for finding me, LORD!!! Thank You, for sending me out to find others, in Your name and for Your sake. Hallelujah and Amen!!!
Isaiah 60: 1 – 3
Arise, shine; for thy light is come, and the glory of the LORD is risen upon thee.
For, behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people:
but the LORD shall arise upon thee, and his glory shall be seen upon thee.
And the Gentiles shall come to thy light, and kings to the brightness of thy rising.